THINGS YOU' D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK, BUT CAN'T!

And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
Do I look like a people person?
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
You!... Off my planet!
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
A PBS mind in an MTV world.
Allow me to introduce my selves.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

After The Beep

Need something humerous for your answering machine message? Give one of these a try:

1. My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished


2. A is for academics, B is for beer, one of those reasons is why we’re not here. So leave a message.


3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money, if you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, I have plenty of money


4. Hi. Now you say something.


5. Hi, I’m not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.


6. Hello. I am David’s answering machine. What are you?


7. (From Japanese friend) He-lo! This is Sa-to. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave *sexy* message, I call sooner!


8. Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.


9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you are still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.


10. This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I’ll think about returning your call.


11. Hi. I am probably home, I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.


12. Hi, his is George. I’m sorry I can’t answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.


13. If you are a burglar, then we’re probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can’t come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren’t home and it’s safe to leave us a message.


14. Please leave a message. However you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.


15. Hello, you’ve reached Jim and Sonya. We can’t pick up the phone right now, because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down… and I like doing it left to right… real slow… so leave a message, and when we’re done brushing our teeth, we’ll get back to you.

What Could This Mean?

I'm getting worried about one of my co-workers who sits in an office a good 40FT across from me. Every day after lunch when he comes in I can hear his selection of music he's listening to. Right now it's Cher, yesterday it was ABBA and the day before it was the Bee Gee's. Do you get the picture? I think I need to find my headphones.

Whatcha Doin'?

It's been so long since I've talked to people back home. I feel like I've lost touch and need to know what you've been doing lately. So, when you get a chance fill me in by posting a comment and answer these questions for me (my answers are in purple):

1. Last movie you saw in a theatre? Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
2. Last book you read (or are reading)? Infidel
3. Last trip/vacation you took was when and to where? Bangkok, Thailand at the end of July
4. Last CD you bought/downloaded? Rob got me three for my birthday: Carrie Underwood, Gretchen Wilson and Kelly Clarkston
5. Last concert you went to and when? Gwen Stefani, August 14, 2007
6. Last time you went out to eat, where did you go? Last REAL restaurant, not local hawker food, was Sunday Brunch at the Copthorne Waterfront
7. Have you started your Christmas shopping? sort of
8. Have you had any additions to your family (kids or pets)? Nope
9. Have you started any new hobbies? Digital Scrapbooking
10. Have you kept up with your New Year's Resolution? I can't remember what it was!

Gwen Stefani in Singapore

Well, Rob and I took Avery to see Gwen Stefani Tuesday night at the Singapore Indoor Stadium. First let me say... Dwight, TByrd, Zona, Mark...you are all still my favorites but since you weren't here I had to go see Gwen. If nothing more than for a sense of something from the US. All things considered it was a good show. She thanked the audience numerous times for buying her CD's, listening to her music and coming to see her perform. At one point during the show she jumped off the stage and ran through the audience to the back of the venue. Then, while singing, mingled with the fans, ran to the side near us and back up to the stage. She sang just about all the tunes off of Sweet Escape. We saw her son and her husband before the show. There was a girl sitting about two rows in front of us that had her son when she came in and handed him over to hubbie before she went and sat down in her seat. Have no idea who she was though. I took a bunch of pictures but most of them didn't turn out at all. I would be upset if it was one of my favorites that I didn't get pictures of, nothing against Gwen. Hopefully Avery's pictures turned out better.

Trying to get caught up!

Wow! We have been so busy with work and family life it has been hard to find enough time to even come up with a simple little post for my blog here. I am dying to get my pictures from Bangkok posted. Here is the rundown on what we've been doing (sorry...this is mainly for family and friends)

1. Got my RING!! It's beautiful!
2. Went out to eat for mom's birthday at a really good Italian place, Pasta Brava, Saturday night. Great food! Lot's of fun. I swear our cab driver on our way there must have been a Formula 1 driver in a previous life. We made it there in record time.
3. Signed up for golf lessons. First real lesson starts on Wednesday.
4. My "baby" started HIGH SCHOOL today. Boy am I feeling old. Maybe that's why I spent part of the day searching the internet for facial treatments to make me look younger! LOL!
5. Busier than ever at work. I have most of my paperwork turned in though for my application to go back to school to earn my Master's in Civil Engineering. Just having trouble getting my transcripts from U of H.
6. Taking Avery to see Gwen Stefani tomorrow night. You would die if you knew how much the tickets where. That's how desperate I am to see a concert I guess. Even though it isn't TByrd!

One final note - All my thoughts and prayers are with my friend Cristie back home. Her dad passed away Friday night. I know that even though he had made life difficult for her at times, she will miss him and that it will be hard on her for a while. I wish I could be there for her in person, but my long distance prayers is all I can send.

Being an American

Theodore Roosevelt on Immigrants and being an AMERICAN in 1907.

"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes herein good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall betreated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage todiscriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, ororigin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet anAmerican, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiancehere. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't anAmerican at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We haveroom for but one language here, and that is the English language... and wehave room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the Americanpeople.

"Theodore Roosevelt 1907

Every American citizen needs to read this! I checked out this link: http://www.snopes.com/politics/quotes/troosevelt.asp

And there is more interesting reading there as well.

Oh My!

Has it been almost 10 days since I've last been here??? Well we (mom, the girls, a friend and myself) went to Bangkok for three days...yesterday was mine and Blair's birthday and today is Blair's last full day here. She leaves at O-dark-30 in the morning. Her flight is at like 6:30 AM!!! Last time we all overslept the alarm and had to haul a** to get her to the airport on time. Bangkok was a blast! I'll do a separate post on the trip, complete with pictures, real soon. We will definately go back there and take Rob. So, here's a picture from our Birthday dinner last night. And I also wanted to send Happy Birthday wishes to Selina in California - all three of us share the same birthday. How cool is that?

Oh! and I know what you fellow Texans are thinking...Mexican food in Singapore? How good could it be? Well, actually it's pretty decent. Ok, it's not Gualajara's but I've definately had worse back home. The only downside is the price. A pitcher of margaritas is S$42. I believe most entrees are in the mid to S$20+ range. But for a taste of home every here and there it's worth it to me.

Sold our House

FINALLY! Now we no longer have to worry about the pool and the lanscaping from half-way around the world! We will miss our wonderful neighbors though. I miss the pool parties and the weekend BBQ's. Oh well! We will build our own house next time and it will be exaclty what we want, pool and all!

Are You Ghetto?

Take this test and see.
This test is guaranteed to reveal "Ghetto" tendencies!
Answer each question and keep track of your POINTS
1. You've ever used an album cover for a dustpan. (5 points)
2. If you've ever run a race barefoot in the middle of the street.(10 points)
3. You had a candy lady in your neighborhood. (5points) * 5 extra points if your house was the candy lady's)
4. If you ever had to pick your own switch or belt. (3 points for each)
5. If you have ever had to walk to school or walked home from school (2 points)
6. If you have ever used dishwashing liquid for bubble bath. (5points)
7. If you ever mixed Kool-Aid one glass at a time because you got tired of other people drinking up the Kool-Aid you just made. (5 points)
8. If you have ever played any of the following games: "hide and go seek", "freeze tag", "'momma may I?'", or "red light/green light." (2 points each)
9. If your neighborhood had an ice cream man. (2 points + 2 if he rang a bell)
10. If you refer to "Now and Later" candies as "Nighladers". (5 points)
11. If you've ever had reusable bacon grease in a container on your stove (5 points +15 if you still do it)
12. The batteries in your remote control ever been held in by a piece of tape (5 points)
13. If you have ever worn! any of the following fragrances: Brute, Hai Karate, Jean! Nate, Old Spice, Chloe, English Leather, Stetson, Charlie, or Faberge. (1 point each)
14. You've ever used Tussy. (5 points)
15. You've never been to the dentist. (15 points)
16. If you have a friend or family member whose nickname is one word said twice: (ex: dee-dee, fee-fee, man-man, kay-kay, lee-lee, ree-ree, ray-ray, nay-nay). (10 points)
17. You have ever paged yourself for any reason. (3 points)
18. You've ever worn house shoes outside of the house. (2 points)
19. You add "ED" or "T" to the end of words already in the past tense (for example, Tooked, Light-Skinneded, kilt, ruint, etc.) (5 points)
20. You use 'n'em to describe a certain group of people for 1 example: Craig 'n' em or Momma 'n' em (5 points)
21. You've ever driven on a donut more than 2 weeks after your flat. (5 points)
22. Your child drops his/her pacifier and you sanitize it by sucking it! (10 points)
23. You have ever slept in a chair to avoid messing up your hair. (10 points)
24. You've ever left a social gathering with a plate. (2 points)
25. You can't hold a glass because of the length of your nails. (5 points)
26. The gold teeth in your mouth spell words. (10 points)
27. You don't have your own place but your child had a leather coat and a pair of Jordan's. (15 points)
28. You constantly hit *69 and ask, "Did you just call here?" (10 points)
29. You think Tupac is still alive. (20 points)

Now, add up the points to see how really Ghetto you are:
0 - 50 points I guess you were raised in the suburbs
51 - 75 points A bonafide ex-hood rat
76 - 149 points Spent a little time in the projects, huh? Hey, not ghetto, just was very imaginative!!!
150+ points Still up in 'dat piece-REPRESENT!

Hoo-Dee-Hoooo! ! !
LEAVE YOUR SCORE IN THE COMMENT BOX SO PEOPLE CAN SEE HOW GHETTO FABULOUS YOU REALLY ARE! ! !

Tips for Bosses

Since it looks like I'm going to have a busy day today, here is a little work humor for you (btw..my boss is nothing like this):

• Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 3:30 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
• If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
• Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
• If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. I'm psychic.
• Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
• If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
• If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in onversations.
• If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
• Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really mess up your job if I do it wrong or don't finish it.
• Tell me all of your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much in taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
• Wait until my annual evaluation and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating. I'm not here for the money anyway.

Transformers - The Movie

Rob and I took the girls to see the new Transformers movie last night. It was kinda cool. We went to Golden Village and saw it in one of their two Gold Class theaters. This area as a private lounge area where you can sit and have drinks and munchies before the movie. One in the theater you have your own recliner with a soft blanket. The recliners are paired up with a table in between. The table has a call button so you can order more drinks and dinner as well. It even has a wine bucket built into the table. The tickets are little pricier but it is a great way to see a show. You can get spoiled easily. The food is really good too, restaurant quality and they don't skimp on the porportions. In general the food at these theaters is cheap compared to the theaters back home where you can get a coke and popcorn for $20. Here it's more like S$6. I thought the movie was good too. I liked how it had the action/fighting side and the romance as well. We have tickets to go see the new Harry Potter moive on Saturday night. It opens here on Thursday. That one we will be seeing in their GV Max theatre. It has 602 seats and the screen is 22.4 meters long (73.5ft). When you buy movie tickets here you get assigned seats. You can buy the tickets online, at these AXS kioks all over the island or at the theater. They weren't offering Gold Class tickets yet. As you can see the girls had fun with the Simpson's after the movie.

Malay Wedding

Rob and I were invited to attend the wedding of one of the local girls that work in my office. It was a truly unique experience and I'm so glad we went. Liyanah was just beautiful in her traditional wedding attire, her hands had been painted with henna. From what I gathered they were engaged on December 25th, 2006. They played a video on huge screens throughout the ballroom where Sunday's wedding was held that showed the engagement. It was a huge production in itself with her all dressed up and family all around. There was a lot of food too. Then (I'm not sure the date) there was the religious wedding ceremony and then Sunday was the wedding reception (at least that is what was on the invitation). I did a little reading on the internet to get some idea of what we experienced. Here is a little of what I found:

Wedding traditions
The institution of marriage in a Muslim community is important. The day before the wedding, the bride goes through a ritual called Berinai (literally meaning henna application) where the hands and feet are covered from the dye of the henna leaves.
Wedding preparation is based on gotong-royong (co-operation) were the women folk get together to prepare the wedding banquet. The bersanding or wedding throne is where the bride and groom receive their guests. Wedding banquets are an informal event with lots to eat.
The hadrah (entourage) troupe, of teenage boys heralds the arrival of the groom by beating on the kompang (hand drums) and chanting qaranic verses (verses from the holy book) for good wishes. Today, you may even see a girl or two beating on the drums. Guest's trickle in the whole day and leave with the bunga telur (flower and egg), which is given for luck and prosperity. A Malay band adds to the gaiety of the wedding.

Drinking Age in Singapore is 18

One of things we are going to do while Blair is here is take her to the night club on the 71st & 72nd floor of the Swissotel called the New Asia Bar. Rob and I went there one night a couple of weeks ago. The view is unbelievable! Blair turns 21 while she's here so maybe that's something we can do to celebrate (even though you only have to be 18 here - same age you have to be to start driving too, what were they thinking). The music was decent, fun to dance too. And as of July 1st there is no smoking in bars and clubs, you can only smoke in designated smoking areas. So that will make it even more enjoyable for me anyway. The crowd seemed to be a mix. Maybe an older crowd than what Blair maybe used to, but it is a little $$ just to get in, so that might have something to do with it. I think she'll have fun! We can at least go check it out for a little while.

The Gang's All Here

Well, most of the gang anyway. Mom won't be back for about another week and I'm not sure if we could get my brother to make another trip on the BNE as he calls it (the Butt Numb Express) anytime soon. Rob and Avery arrived Thursday night at around 11:30 and Blair got in last night at about the same time. That's two nights in a row hanging out at Changi Airport. That's ok though as it's worth the late nights and early mornings (to work) to have everyone back here. While we were waiting on Blair there were two girls that started talking to us. Rob and Avery had on Aggie T-shirts and these girls are Aggies. The are here for the summer staying with host families while they take on a summer internship. There were about three people from Texas A&M that Blair knew on her flight. I guess there's a whole mess of 'em here for a month or so doing internships. Small world, huh? Who knows maybe Blair will get to see them some while she is here. I know they tend to all group together. I remember one year we went skiing in New Mexico during spring break and there must have been a group of Aggies there as they had yell practice by the lodge every afternoon.

Teaching Math (Thru the Years)

Teaching Math In 1950

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1960

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1970

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math In 1990

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of$20. What do you think of this way of making a living?Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as thelogger cut down their homes?(There are no wrong answers.)

Teaching Math In 2000

Un ranchero vende una carretera de madera para $100.El cuesto de la produccion era $80. Cuantos tortillasse puede comprar?

Work Place Words - 2007

Well, since I can't seem to get in the mood to work I thought some new workplace words were in order. (I didn't make these up, they were emailed to me by a friend)
NEW WORDS FOR 2007 :
Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)!!!
1. BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
4. SALMON DAY : The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
5. CUBE FARM : An office filled with cubicles.
6. PRAIRIE DOGGING : When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
7. MOUSE POTATO : The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
8. SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
9. STRESS PUPPY : A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
11. XEROX SUBSIDY : Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.
13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE : The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. Often feel like doing this to my computer......
14. ADMINISPHERE : The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
15. 404 : Someone who's clueless. >From the World Wide Web error Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.
16. GENERICA : Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
17. OHNOSECOND : That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake).
18. WOOFS : Well-Off Older Folks.
19. CROP DUSTING : Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.

4th of July

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

Well, I hope y'all are all enjoying your day off. It's already July 4th here in Singapore. Just another day here. So, please make sure you have some BBQ and watermelon for me! Ok, you can have a few margaritas or ice cold beer too. Take time to reflect on what our Independence Day celebrations are really about. In my opinion it seems that what our forefathers had intended for us is being forgotten. It seems that we are so worried about offending the non-American citizens that our own rights are being neglected.

See if you agree, I know this is a touchy subject:

Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country protesting the fact that Congress is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration. Certain people are angry that the US might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely.

Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests.

Let's say I break into your house. Let's say that when you discover me in your house, you insist that I leave. But I say, "I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors; I've done all the things you don't like to do. I'm hard-working and honest (except for when I broke into your house). According to the protesters, not only must you let me stay, you must add me to your family's insurance plan, educate my kids, and provide other benefits to me and to my family (my husband will do your yard work because he too is hard-working and honest, except for that breaking in part). If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my right to be there
It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself. I'm hard-working and honest, um, except for well, you know. And what a deal it is for me!! I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of selfishness, prejudice and being an anti-housebreaker.Oh yeah, and I want you to learn my language so you can communicate with me.

I had a funny email at one time where someone was writting as if they were going on vacation to Mexico and they weren't going to bring their passport, and they weren't going to learn the language, etc. It was really good. I can't find it now. Please pass it along if you have a copy.

I almost died today

Not really, but but it felt like it! I don't care too much for those gecko's. They have the same ones here that we had back in Katy, TX. The one on the TV commercial is cute, but in real life they creep me out. I think it's their translucent appearance and their little sticky feet. When I was getting on the elevator to go down to the parking garage to leave for work one scampered on as I was getting on. Then I didn't know where it went. I was hoping around looking for it and didn't see it anywhere. The elevator isn't that big. So when I didn't see it I checked the bottom of my shoes, nope, not there. So, where was the little shit? Now, I'm panicking thinking it's in my hair or on me somewhere. By now, the elevator has reached the bottom level and then I see it along where the floor and wall meet. It peeked around at the opening when the door opened but it didn't get off when I did - Thank God!

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Mingle² - Online Dating

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