Tips for Bosses

Since it looks like I'm going to have a busy day today, here is a little work humor for you (btw..my boss is nothing like this):

• Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 3:30 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
• If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
• Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
• If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. I'm psychic.
• Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
• If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
• If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in onversations.
• If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
• Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really mess up your job if I do it wrong or don't finish it.
• Tell me all of your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so much in taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
• Wait until my annual evaluation and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating. I'm not here for the money anyway.