Drama of the Week

Well three days ago our refrigerator stopped working. This was a day after we had the hot water heater replaced. The day we noticed that the fridge kept flipping the breaker hubbie called the owner of our condo. He said he would get in touch with a service guy and get back with us. Well, that didn't happen. We spent all day trying to reach the owner with no luck so hubbie called his own repair guy. The repair guy said that he thought it was some electrical module of some sort that would take 2 WEEKS to get here! Luckily we were able to salvage some of our food by bringing it to my office and putting it in the fridge here. The next day the owner called and came out with another repair guy. This guy said it was the compressor. So day number two goes by. Day number three rolls around and the repair guys show up around 4:30 and replace the compressor and voila! it works. Unfortunately we weren't able to save everything. This is all the stuff we had to throw out. Those Pilsbury Crescent Rolls cost about $12 a can! While tossing stuff we were trying to decide if the ketchup and that sort of stuff would still be good. Maybe we needed this handly little guide:

EGGS: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

DAIRY PRODUCTS: Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese but you realize you've never purchased that kind.

EXPIRATION DATES: This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.

MEAT: If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.

BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are a good indication that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.

FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.

SALT: It never spoils.

CANNED GOODS: Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of. Carefully.

CARROTS: A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.

RAISINS: Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.

CHIP DIP: If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.

GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster nearby your refrigerator to gauge this.