My New Names

Swiped From Laurie


MY REAL NAME: Shelli

MY DETECTIVE NAME: (my favorite color and my favorite animal)

Cobalt Otter

MY SOAP OPERA NAME: (my middle name and a street I lived on)

Renae Gorham

MY STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of my last name first 2 letters of my first name)

Weish

MY SUPERHERO NAME: (my second favorite color and my favorite drink)

Red Margarita

MY WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (my parents' middle names)

Lynn Lou

MY GOTH NAME: (the color black and the name of one of my pets)

Black Molly

MY PORN NAME: (the name of one of my pets and either my mother's maiden name or a street I lived on)

Sugar Tobacco

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thank you Scott for a new way to fix my Thanksgiving dinner!

Your dinner will be the talk of the TOWN!! You should try this! Sure to bring smiles from your guests!

Here is a new way to prepare your Thanksgiving Turkey:

1. Cut out aluminum foil in desired shapes.
2. Arrange the turkey in the roasting pan, position the foil carefully. (see attached picture for details)
3. Roast according to your own recipe and serve.
4. Watch your guests' faces...

Still in Shock

Ok, I have to admit that I am still in shock over the Recycled Used Condoms in my last post! No big plans for the weekend other than we will be finalizing our plans for our trip to the Maldives.

Recycle Your Used Condoms!

I know you stay awake at night worrying about our ever filling landfils and how you can help the situation. Well here is a way you can help!

China: Used condoms recycled as hair ties used condoms are being recycled into hair bands and hair ties in southern China, threatening to spread sexually-transmittable diseases they were originally meant to prevent, state media reported yesterday. In the latest example of potentially harmful Chinese-made products, rubber hair bands have been found in local markets and beauty salons in Dongguan and Guangzhou cities in southern Guangdong province, the China daily newspaper said. “These cheap and colourful rubber bands and hair ties sell well ... threatening the health of local people,” it said. Despite being recycled, the hair bands could still contain bacteria and viruses, it said. “People could be infected with Aids, (genital) warts or other diseases if they hold the rubber bands or strings in their mouths while weaving their hair into plaits or buns,” the daily quoted a local dermatologist as saying. A bag of 10 of the recycled bands sells for just 25 fen (4 cents), much cheaper than others on the market, accounting for
their popularity, the newspaper said. A government official was quoted as saying that recycling condoms was illegal. China’s manufacturing industry has been tarnished this year by a string of scandals involving shoddy or dangerous goods made for domestic and foreign markets. It has launched a public relations blitz aimed at playing up efforts to strengthen monitoring systems. — AFP (As published in the 14 November issue of Today)

Now I bet this raises a whole new set of questions: 1) Do they have collection bins? 2) Can people pick them up and turn them in for cash, like aluminum cans? 3) Who gets to wash them? 4) Are they washed? 5) Where do they get them?

Lowe's refuses to call them Christmas Trees

The following is an exert from an email I received from American Family Association:

In their Holiday 2007 catalog, containing 56 pages of Christmas gifts, Lowe's advertises hundreds of gift items, including scores of "Family trees." In fact, the word "Christmas" only appears two times in the entire holiday catalog. The ads mentioning "Christmas cover only 12 square inches of the 5236 square inches available.
Lowe's even has one of their Family trees turned upside down on a stand. We are not sure what the significance of that is.
Lowe's evidently did not want to offend any non-Christians, therefore they replaced "Christmas tree" with "Family tree." Of course, if Christians are offended that is evidently ok.
An on-line search of Lowe's does reference some "Christmas" items. In fact, a word search of their Web site gives the exact same number 174 of the word "Christmas" as it does the word "holiday." Most of the items mentioning Christmas appear to use the promotional line given by the manufacturer.
Their Holiday 2007 catalog features scores of products, including lights, wreaths, trees, and yard decorations. Most people would associate these items with Christmas, but not Lowe's! Except for two obscure references, they refer to everything in their catalog as "holiday."

Click here to see the front cover of the catalog and a page featuring their "Family trees." catalog ad.

Take Action:
Send the e-mail to Lowe's. Ask them why they refer to their Christmas trees as "Family trees."
Forward this to your friends and family and ask them to send the e-mail.

I guess making sure that the rights of Christians are upheld along with all the other religious groups is something I feel strongly about.

17 Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served At Work

1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
5. It encourages car pooling.
6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
15. Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.
16. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
17. Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross."




Take a beer and send the truck to all of your
friends!!!!!!


^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^\
B u d w e i s e r _ '""""\___,
__.. _____ _l _ l
([""(@)'(@)"""""""""""""""""**(@)(@)**

You Never Know

what you might see at a Singapore Slingers game. Take a look at one of the box sponsors:
Yep, it says: RateMyTurban.com

Yankee or Dixie?

Go take the Quiz. Be sure to come back and let me know how you did. I was 94% Dixie. It asked me, "Is General Lee your father?"

Oktoberfest 2007

Singapore probably isn't the first place you think of when you think of Oktoberfest, is it? Wasn't mine either but when I saw tickets for sale for this years Erdinger Beer Oktoberfest I thought, hey...what the heck. So, last weekend that's where Rob and I went. There was a ton of people there and I was really surprised at the number of Asians there. It looked like everyone was having a great time. The beer girls don't quite look like the stereotypical Bavarian beer girls, it was quite humorous to me. And after the food was gone and everyone had consumed a few beers it was no longer suitable to stand on the floor, nope, you had to stand on the tables. Rob and I were asking each other what we thought the "SWL" (safe working load - for the non-engineers out there) was for the tables. We did buy a couple of nice ceramic beer mugs. We passed on the huge beer glass, but was considering it for Blair to dunk her ring in - again! We would have liked to have purchased a couple of T-shirts but they weren't selling any. Someone goofed there, that would have been a money maker. Bet they would have sold better than the funny looking felt hats that made you look like a cone-head.

Here is a good reason...

...why you don't want your kids to go to t.u.! What's wrong with this picture? Check this guy out. I hope you can see the picture clear enough to tell he has on his burnt orange. BUT...did you notice his signs? If you read them like you see them they read, "Fence - D" and not "D - Fence". What a dork! We see this guy at all the Singapore Slinger games and at every game he holds up his signs the same way. Rob and Avery had seen him in all his burnt orange glory at a game when I was gone so we were waiting for him to have on his colors again so we could take a picture. Unfortunately, Rob didn't have his nice camera with a zoom lens at yesterday's game. I just hope this doesn't give a bad impression of the rest of us Texans (i.e. those of us from the state of Texas, not those that are fans, students, former students, etc. of t.u.)

B.T.W....the Slingers Won!!! They ended winning in overtime! It was a good game.

Test post from iphone

Trying to mobile blog while waiting on avery.

Sent from my iPhone

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Who Doesn't Love 1977

Thank you Barbara for supplying me with subject matter for today's blog post. It has been a while since I've updated this thing! Sorry about that. Anyway...Barbara sent me this email with all the great pictures from the 1977 JC Penney catalog. I wanted to post them all, but here are a few of my favorites:

I think I've found my next dining room set which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels.

I think my brother had this same outfit! The email read: How to get your ass kicked in elementary school! Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place.. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits, grandpa.

The email read: How to get your ass kicked on the golf course! This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made you, and as a one-piece, it's slightly more effective as a deterrent against ass-rapery.

The email read: Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?

The rest were all hillarious! Maybe tomorrow I'll post some more.

More Work Humor...

Dear Staff,
In an effort to maximize productivity in our department I will be implementing a tool used in many industries. You will be tracking your time working on certain activities and sending me a time sheet weekly showing me how your time has been spent. Attached below is a sheet specifying a job code list based on some observations of employee activities. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let me know about any difficulties you encounter.
Thank you. Your boss.

Code
Number Explanation
------ -----------
5316 - Useless Meeting
5317 - Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318 - Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in a Meeting
5319 - Waiting for Break
5320 - Waiting for Lunch
5321 - Waiting for End of Day
5322 - Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
5323 - Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present
5393 - Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
5394 - Blaming Incompetence of Coworker Who is Not a Friend
5400 - Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning
5401 - Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
5402 - Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You
5481 - Buying Snack
5482 - Eating Snack
5500 - Filling Out Timesheet
5501 - Inventing Timesheet Entries
5502 - Waiting for Something to Happen
5503 - Scratching Yourself
5504 - Sleeping
5510 - Feeling Bored
5600 - Complaining About Lousy Job
5601 - Complaining About Low Pay
5602 - Complaining About Long Hours
5603 - Complaining About Coworker (See Codes 5322 & 5323)
5604 - Complaining About Boss
5605 - Complaining About Personal Problems
5640 - Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining
5701 - Not Actually Present At Job
5702 - Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu
6102 - Ordering Out
6103 - Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
6104 - Taking It Easy While Digesting Food
6200 - Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
6201 - Stealing Company Goods
6202 - Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Files
6203 - Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls
6204 - Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods
6205 - Hiding from Boss
6206 - Gossip
6207 - Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)
6210 - Feeling Sorry For Yourself
6211 - Updating Resume
6212 - Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter
6213 - Out of Office on Interview
6221 - Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching
6222 - Pretending to Enjoy Your Job
6223 - Pretending You Like Coworker
6224 - Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks
6238 - Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
6350 - Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl
6601 - Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code 6603)
6602 - Complaining
6603 - Writing a Book on Company Time
6611 - Staring Into Space
6612 - Staring At Computer Screen
6615 - Transcendental Meditation
7281 - Extended Visit to the Bathroom (over 10 minutes)
7400 - Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone
7401 - Talking With Plumber on Phone
7402 - Talking With Dentist on Phone
7403 - Talking With Doctor on Phone
7404 - Talking With Masseuse on Phone
7405 - Talking With House Painter on Phone
7406 - Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
7419 - Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professionals on Phone
7931 - Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity
8000 - Recreational Drug Use
8001 - Non-recreational Drug Use
8002 - Liquid Lunch
8101 - Surfing Vacation Sites on the Internet
8102 - Surfing Porn Sites on the Internet
8103 - Surfing Humor Sites on the Internet
8200 - Reading e-mail
8201 - Distributing humorous e-mails

Found it!

We were walking around Tanglin Mall the other day. (Acutally, that is a whole 'nuther story that I will share with you tomorrow.) Anyway, we pasted a DIY store and Rob noticed they had trash cans. You may remember me mentioning the fact that we have been without a trash can in our kitchen for quite a while now. Guess how much we had to pay for this baby? $139 Singapore Dollars!! Back home we never would have paid that much for a trash can! We wouldn't have to. We could always run to Wal-Mart or Target and probably have a huge selection to choose from. But being over here has trained us so that now when we see something you need/want, you better get it right then. If you wait you will never find it again. Just for grins I did a quick search online. I think found the same trash can on Amazon.com for $99 (not sure if that includes shipping). I'm almost positive it's the same size, it is the same brand. So actually we paid about $93 in USD, total. Now I don't feel too bad.

Trip To Texas

Sorry for being AWOL lately. I took a surprise trip back to Texas for about 10 days. Blair was getting her Aggie Ring and I wanted to surprise her, I think it worked! Here is a picture of her anwering the door when she thought it was my mom there to see her. Since she thought none of us (Rob, myself or Avery) could be there, that my mom and her Uncle Scotty (my brother) were coming to be there when she got her ring. Once she opened the door and saw me there (thanks mom for catching the moment!) the tears started flowing - from both of us. We had such a great time that day! My Aunt also surprised her by being there. She (my aunt)graduated from Texas A&M quite some time ago. Some of you may be saying, "what's the big deal about getting your class ring in college?" Well, Texas A&M is steeped in tradion. That ring is a symbol that is recognized by Aggies all over the world. No matter where she travels, anytime she finds another Aggie, she will have an instant friend. Another tradition is for Aggies to "dunk" their ring in a pitcher of beer over at the Dixie Chicken at Northgate. We did that too! Well, sort of! The rest of my trip home was spent visiting family and friends. It was nice and relaxing. I just loved getting in my little pick-up and dring the country roads between College Station, Huntsville, Midway and the Woodlands. I even made a quick trip into Houston and ran by my office there and visited with my coworkers. I got my fill of Mexican Food too! Not sure when I'll get back there, but it won't be soon enough for me!

How Disgusting!

I don't think I've shared this little chunk of information with you out there in blog world. This story was told to me by my husband, it is all 100% true, you are not going to believe it! You will wish that I was lying.

My husband works in the shipyard next to us, I'm at Keppel-Fels and he is at Jurong. Most of these shipyards have what they call cantinas. No, not the wonderful cantinas that serve margaritas with chips and salsa. These cantinas are what we back home would call a lunch room. It's a cheap, convenient place for the people in the office or even the yard to grab some lunch. Now, as you can imagine, shipyards are not the cleanest places on the island, but what I am about to tell you is ... well disgusting.

My husbands employer is in the offices next to the cantina. They are separated by a door and and small machinery space for the air conditioning. One afternoon there was a noise or something coming from the cantina so my husband was going to open the door to see what was on the other side. When he opened the door the cleaning lady was in the cantina cleaning up after lunch. She was mopping - both the FLOORS and the TABLES!! with the same mop! I almost died when he told me this. She had her cell phone between her chin and her sholder talking to someone, just mopping away! Let me tell you, I am not germophobic. But that made me want to go buy a small bottle of hand sanitizer (which you don't see everywhere here like you do at the checkout counters back home) to keep with me at all times.

Now, whenever we go eat somewhere I wonder if that is how the table has been "cleaned" off. I don't want to touch anything!

I Miss Wal-Mart

...and Target...and Bed, Bath & Beyond...and Home Depot...

Did I tell you we have been without a trash can in the kitchen for about a month now? Some time ago we had some pest control people come to our condo to help us with a little ant problem we were having. Well, after they left I noticed that our trash bin lid was smashed in. Many emails and phone calls later we got the pest control company to pay for the trash can...however, when they dropped off the check they took our dented trash can with them. So, here is the problem....we are having trouble finding another one. It's not like I can just run down to any of the stores I mentioned above and get a new one. No! They stores you think would carry them, don't. Robert and I did find one, but they couldn't get it to scan so we said forget it! I think I am going to have to go to a department store, their version of a Macy's or Dillards, to find one. The things I used to take for granted.

Elegant Curses

To construct a Shakespearean insult, combine one word from each of the three columns below and preface it with "Thou":

7th Lunar Month

Want to know how superticious the Chinese can be? Well...in August they "celebrate" (not sure if that is the word I would use) the 7th Lunar Month. This is where on the first day of August the gates of Hell open up and the kui (uncared for spirits or spirits under judgment that are locked in hell) roam the earth to eat their fill before being locked up for another year. The belief is that once the gates are opened, these kui will come out to look for food and if no one has prepared any offerings for them, they will go into homes to help themselves. Fearful of such visits, people are generally quick to make offerings to appease and ward off the hungry ghosts. It demonstrates the concern in Chinese religious belief for the pitiable existence of souls not cared for by the living.

As part of the celebrations of this festival, a ge tai (variety show) is often held, primarily to entertain the kui in the hope that when distracted or happy, they will not look for or disturb living beings. The first night of the ge tai is traditionally meant for the kui to attend. Another practice is to hold celebratory dinners, during which various items of luck and blessing will be auctioned off. Many would bid for these items in the hope and belief that they would, in year ahead, bring prosperity to the owners. The most prized possession is a block of charcoal. This relates back to the myth of Mu Lian, where it is held that when Mu Lian finally reached hell, the buns he brought to feed his mother had turned into charcoal.

The believers lay emphasis on giving offerings to ghosts because it is regarded as an important means of seeking fortune. Offerings such as paper (or hall) money and paper replicas of objects from the material world, such as cars, computers and even mobile phones. These paper objects are burnt so that the departed can enjoy comforts in the afterlife.

Other believers have warned that Special attention must be given to the "hungry ghosts" and the "lonely ghosts," this is because they have no living descendants can easily get bad-tempered and destructive during their "vacation" back to Earth. The paper objects can prevent them from doing any harm to the living or the dead, the Chinese would use lanterns to distract them away, or make sacrifices and burn "hell notes" or "paper replicas" for them to use in the underworld, in a safe place outside their homes (to prevent them from coming in) to "bribe" these disturbed souls.

Superstitions
Here is the list of ‘advices’ to heed during the Hungry Ghost festival

• Don’t move, renovate or marry during Hungry Ghost Festival as it is considered inauspicious.


• Stay away from swimming during the 7th month as it is believed that the water spirits will drag these little ones into the water and drown them.


• Avoid old trees. It is believed that the spirits will hide there.


• Children are advised to return home early and not to wander around alone at night. This belief is due to the reason that the wandering ghosts might possess children.
  

THINGS YOU' D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK, BUT CAN'T!

And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
Do I look like a people person?
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
You!... Off my planet!
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
A PBS mind in an MTV world.
Allow me to introduce my selves.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.