Five Minute Management Course

My hubby sent me these in an email. You may have seen them before, but I thought they were pretty good:

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5 :
A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

Things that make you go huh?

Well there are somethings they got right here in Singapore. Such as the yellow striped areas on the road that keep exits from side streets and such open so traffic will stop and you can exit without taking your life into your own hands. The little electronic devices and cash cards that you use for parking and the roadway tolls, those are smart. You go to 7-11 and top them off with money. If there is no money on the card - no parking. Simple. No billing required either. I think the Harris County Toll Road people could use a lesson in that. Anyway...then you have the things they just don't get. For example...Sunday we went to the Singapore Air Show. I bought our tickets online and printed out our etickets. The package I bought included parking. We get in the car on Sunday to go and for some reason I was reading the teeny-tiny, very small, fine print on our eticket which read: If you are driving to the airshow you are required to have a valid Singapore Airshow 2008 car park label." Please visit our website for more information. My first thought was that one of the pieces of paper that I printed for the eticket must be what they are talking about. On it it said "4 Airshow Adm Plus Parking". But something about the word "label" bugged me. So before we took off I got my iphone out and looked at the webpage for more information on this parking thing. At the bottom of the page where you click to Purchase Your Tickets (the button for this is at the top of the pate) it read:

If you intend to drive to the exhibition site, you are REQUIRED to have a VALID car park label. You can purchase a Family Package at S$100 which includes 4 admission tickets (which can be used as adult and/or child admissions) and 1 car park label. After purchasing the Family Package online, please PRINT your car park e-Voucher and PRESENT it at the following SINGPOST offices to collect your car park label.
• Singapore Post Centre: 10 Eunos Road 8, West Entrance Level 1, #01-02, Singapore Post Centre, Singapore 408600. Open from Monday to Friday (8.30am to 9.00pm), Saturday (8.30am to 4.00pm) and Sunday and Public Holidays (10am to 4.00pm)
• Suntec City Post Office: 3 Temasek Boulevard, #03-001/003, Suntec City Mall, Singapore 038983. Open from Monday to Friday (9.30am to 6.00pm), Saturday (9.30am to 2.00pm) and closed on Sunday and Public Holidays.
• Tanglin Post Office: 56 Tanglin Road, Singapore 247964. Open from Monday to Friday (8.30am – 5.00pm), Saturday (8.30am – 1.00pm) and closed on Sunday and Public Holidays.
• Orchard Post Office: 391 Orchard Road, #04-15, Ngee Ann City, Singapore 238872. Open from Monday to Friday (9.30am – 6.00pm), Saturday (9.30am – 2.00pm) and closed on Sunday and Public Holidays.

Notice only one location is open on Sundays. So, good thing I read the FINE PRINT! Why couldn't they just include a parking pass in the stuff I printed out with the e-ticket??? At least they could have made it more noticeable that even though you think you are saving time by purchasing an e-ticket, they still are going to make you go wait in line somewhere (oops! my bad - Que Up at the Post Office)!! So, we go to the Post Office. I wait in a long line noticing that there are a few others in front of me there to pick up their Parking Labels too. When I FINALLY get to the last row of the line that is snakeing back and forth a lady behind the desk holds up a sheet of paper like mine and says "Anyone here waiting to collect Air Show Parking Labels can go to the Speed Post Counter"! I had been waiting for about 20 minutes already! At least there wasn't a line at the Speed Post counter but several yahoos that had just walked in the door was first in line! That is another pet-peeve I'll save for another day!

Maldives Trip Photos

Maldives Trip

Well, all our family and friends that we sent postcards too from our trip to the Malives finally received them. It only took about 8 weeks for their postcards to arrive from the time we mailed them. Anyway, that reminded me that maybe I should put some pictures from our trip on here.

In election 2008, don’t forget Angry White Man

More From Aspen Times Weekly Opinion
Gary HubbellFebruary 9, 2008
There is a great amount of interest in this year’s presidential elections, as everybody seems to recognize that our next president has to be a lot better than George Bush. The Democrats are riding high with two groundbreaking candidates — a woman and an African-American — while the conservative Republicans are in a quandary about their party’s nod to a quasi-liberal maverick, John McCain.
Each candidate is carefully pandering to a smorgasbord of special-interest groups, ranging from gay, lesbian and transgender people to children of illegal immigrants to working mothers to evangelical Christians.
There is one group no one has recognized, and it is the group that will decide the election: the Angry White Man. The Angry White Man comes from all economic backgrounds, from dirt-poor to filthy rich. He represents all geographic areas in America, from urban sophisticate to rural redneck, deep South to mountain West, left Coast to Eastern Seaboard.
His common traits are that he isn’t looking for anything from anyone — just the promise to be able to make his own way on a level playing field. In many cases, he is an independent businessman and employs several people. He pays more than his share of taxes and works hard.
The victimhood syndrome buzzwords — “disenfranchised,” “marginalized” and “voiceless” — don’t resonate with him. “Press ‘one’ for English” is a curse-word to him. He’s used to picking up the tab, whether it’s the company Christmas party, three sets of braces, three college educations or a beautiful wedding.
He believes the Constitution is to be interpreted literally, not as a “living document” open to the whims and vagaries of a panel of judges who have never worked an honest day in their lives. The Angry White Man owns firearms, and he’s willing to pick up a gun to defend his home and his country. He is willing to lay down his life to defend the freedom and safety of others, and the thought of killing someone who needs killing really doesn’t bother him.
The Angry White Man is not a metrosexual, a homosexual or a victim. Nobody like him drowned in Hurricane Katrina — he got his people together and got the hell out, then went back in to rescue those too helpless and stupid to help themselves, often as a police officer, a National Guard soldier or a volunteer firefighter.
His last name and religion don’t matter. His background might be Italian, English, Polish, German, Slavic, Irish, or Russian, and he might have Cherokee, Mexican, or Puerto Rican mixed in, but he considers himself a white American.
He’s a man’s man, the kind of guy who likes to play poker, watch football, hunt white-tailed deer, call turkeys, play golf, spend a few bucks at a strip club once in a blue moon, change his own oil and build things. He coaches baseball, soccer and football teams and doesn’t ask for a penny. He’s the kind of guy who can put an addition on his house with a couple of friends, drill an oil well, weld a new bumper for his truck, design a factory and publish books. He can fill a train with 100,000 tons of coal and get it to the power plant on time so that you keep the lights on and never know what it took to flip that light switch.
Women either love him or hate him, but they know he’s a man, not a dishrag. If they’re looking for someone to walk all over, they’ve got the wrong guy. He stands up straight, opens doors for women and says “Yes, sir” and “No, ma’am.”
He might be a Republican and he might be a Democrat; he might be a Libertarian or a Green. He knows that his wife is more emotional than rational, and he guides the family in a rational manner.
He’s not a racist, but he is annoyed and disappointed when people of certain backgrounds exhibit behavior that typifies the worst stereotypes of their race. He’s willing to give everybody a fair chance if they work hard, play by the rules and learn English.
Most important, the Angry White Man is pissed off. When his job site becomes flooded with illegal workers who don’t pay taxes and his wages drop like a stone, he gets righteously angry. When his job gets shipped overseas, and he has to speak to some incomprehensible idiot in India for tech support, he simmers. When Al Sharpton comes on TV, leading some rally for reparations for slavery or some such nonsense, he bites his tongue and he remembers. When a child gets charged with carrying a concealed weapon for mistakenly bringing a penknife to school, he takes note of who the local idiots are in education and law enforcement.
He also votes, and the Angry White Man loathes Hillary Clinton. Her voice reminds him of a shovel scraping a rock. He recoils at the mere sight of her on television. Her very image disgusts him, and he cannot fathom why anyone would want her as their leader. It’s not that she is a woman. It’s that she is who she is. It’s the liberal victim groups she panders to, the “poor me” attitude that she represents, her inability to give a straight answer to an honest question, his tax dollars that she wants to give to people who refuse to do anything for themselves.
There are many millions of Angry White Men. Four million Angry White Men are members of the National Rifle Association, and all of them will vote against Hillary Clinton, just as the great majority of them voted for George Bush.
He hopes that she will be the Democratic nominee for president in 2008, and he will make sure that she gets beaten like a drum.
Gary Hubbell is a regular columnist with the Aspen Times Weekly.

One of the best articles I have ever read! Someone finally got it right!!

Nothing new

Kinda preoccupied today. Our dog Sugar is sick. She spent the night last night at the animal hospital. They released her to me today and I took her to our usual vet. They said she is anemic and since there had been blood in her poop and in her vomit they need to figure out what was the cause. So they kept her and are putting her back on an IV for fluids and are going to run blood tests. They said that it could be cause by a tick, or perhaps she ate some sort of poison. I doubt that it was poison since she stays inside and we don't keep anything like that around. She had been to her doggie-day care on Monday. That is when I noticed she wasn't herself. The vet told me that there was one dog for sure, maybe two, that had picked up a viral infection from there that they had treated. Anyway, when I asked if the vet thought Sugar would be ok, she said she would consider her condition as 'guarded'. I hope they can find out what it is quickly and get her feeling better soon. (The photo was taken when we first got her. Now she has all her "Pomeranian fur")

A Child's Insight

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you:

Better to be safe than.....................Punch a 5th grader
Strike while the ..........................Bug is close
It's always darkest before.................Daylight Savings Time
Never underestimate the power of...........Termites
You can lead a horse to water but..........how?
Don't bite the hand that...................looks dirty
No news is.................................impossible
A miss is as good as a.....................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new.............math
If you lie down with dogs, you'll..........stink in the morning
Love all, trust............................me
The pen is mightier than the...............pigs
An idle mind is............................The best way to relax
Where there's smoke there's................pollution
Happy the bride who........................gets all the presents
A penny saved is...........................not much
Two's company, three's.....................the Musketeers
Don't put off till tomorrow what...........you put on to go to bed
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and......you have to blow your nose
None are so blind as.......................Stevie Wonder
Children should be seen and not............spanked or grounded
If at first you don't succeed..............get new batteries
You get out of something what you..........see pictured on the box
When the blind leadeth the blind...........get out of the way

And what might be best of all:

Better late than...................................pregnant

Is this referring to Senator Clinton or Obama?

Thank you Janet for supplying the topic for todays post!

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the man. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.""Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the senator. I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven." 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well, then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell." So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in lack bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?" The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted."

Be Aware of Your Taxi Driver

You never know who you might be riding with:

A little insight into news coverage of the election

If you are wondering why Huckabee can't get news coverage in spite of doing so well in every debate, read on...

Romney Media Control
Fox News is responsible for information programming on more than 100 Clear Channel news and talk stations. Clear Channel is owned by Bain Capital Partners and Thomas Lee Partners plus other minors.Clear Channel has Sean Hannity under contract until 2010. Clear Channel also has Rush Limbaugh and Glen Beck under contract.Bain Capital was started by Romney in 1984. He sold his majority stake in Bain to run for Governor in 2001. Commonwealth PAC was set up by Romney Advisers. A Boston Globe analysis found that executives from a handful of Massachusetts-based corporations, including Bain Capital, Fidelity Investments, etc, form the base of the Romney operation.

Mitt Romney=>Bain Capital=>Clear Channel=>Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, FOX

Here's the proof:
http://mitworld.mit.edu/video/125/
Washington Post Article
Access My Library
Fox News Supports Limbaugh
Clear Channel - Glenn Beck
New York Times - Read the last paragraph!
The Daily KOS

How would you like to keep your whole paycheck?

Want to learn more? Go to FairTax.org and check it out.

Nightmares!

This picture was in yesterday's TODAY paper. This is the kind of stuff that gives me the major creepies - heebie jeebies - you name it. To me that snake is looking at this kid and thinking what a great snack he would make. What do you feed a snake that big? I bet they don't have a rat problem or any pets! I bet a snake this size can make quite a mess too if you know what I mean.