Christmas Cartoons

Here are some Christmas funnies you may have seen, but I wanted to share anyway. Mostly because I thought they were cute, but secondly because I am super busy and this is an easy way for me to post something today.

GOOD ADVICE FROM KIDS

1. Never trust a dog to watch your food. Patrick, age 10
2. When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?', don't answer him. David, 7
3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working. Michael, 14
4. Stay away from prunes.Randy, 9
5. Don't squat with your spurs on.Noronha, 13
6. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to. Emily, 10
7. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. Taylia, 11
8. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. Traci, 14
9. Don't sneeze in front of mom when you're eating crackers. Mitchell, 12
10. Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a tic tac. Andrew, 9
11. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. Kyoyo, 9
12. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Armir, 9
13. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. Kellie, 11
(I had to make mention here, that apparently no one ever mentioned this (no.13) to Singaporean's)
14. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. Naomi, 15
15. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. Lauren, 9
16. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. Joel,10
17. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. Alyesha, 13
18. Never try to baptize a cat. Eileen, 8

"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."

Airline Messages

Since Christmas is travel season for some people I thought I would post these funny messages. Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

1. From a Southwest Airlines employee...."There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."


2. Pilot-"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land...it’s a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."


3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.


4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

5. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."


6. From a Southwest Airlines employee...."Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in
public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden lossof cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with
two small children, decide now which one you love more.


7. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."


9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."


10. "Last one off the plane must clean it."


11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry...Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!


12. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day, during the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened
while the captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!"


13. Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."


14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no, ma’am,"little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"


15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant came on with, "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we’ll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.


16. Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement: "We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of us here at US Airways."

Fun at Wal-Mart

Okay so this is how I imagine this conversation went:

Walmart Employee: 'Hello 'dis Walmarts, how can I help you?'

Customer: ' I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week.'

Walmart Employee: 'What you want on the cake?'

Customer: 'Best Wishes Suzanne' and underneath that 'We will miss you'.

Thank you Scott for supplying me with today's post content!

Things I thought I would never do

I never thought I would pay $15 for two small bags of Hershey Kisses but I did last week. I needed candy for our Advent Calender.



I never thought I would wear white pants in December but I did Friday night. We had our company Christmas party and I wore white pants....yep after Labor Day...I know! Because it is perpetually summer here you just don't follow those same codes for when to stop and start wearing white like we do back home.



I never thought I would eat at Subway one or two times a week but we do. We go to Subway at least once, usually twice a week, for lunch. There are more places to eat here in Singapore than you could ever imagine, but a majority of the places are Hawker centers and I just can't bring myself to eat there all the time. The food is ok, it's just that is rarely hot and I keep thinking of Marvin Zindler and food being kept "off temperature".